Last night I met my posse for a girl’s night out which involved massive quantities of alcohol.

Katy, our equivalent of Samantha on Sex and the City entertained us with her latest exploits which included her hook up with Erik, the newest resident in her condo loft complex. Katy had spotted him in the on-site health club facility while sweating it out on the elliptical machine and observing his gargantuan feet and hands and large Slavic nose. Katy concluded that Erik must be packing where it counts and set about sashaying her overly augmented breasts and big round booty around the gym while nonchalantly flirting the special way that only a Southern Belle can do.

Erik easily succumbed to her charms and thus this started the current fuck-a-thon they are currently involved in. Katy swears that Erik has the biggest penis she’s ever ridden and that’s saying a lot. She also swears that she scopes out the male member’s size by observing their owners hands, feet and nose.

What evidence is there for correlating a man’s extremities with his cock size? The answer is not as clear as you might think. In a recent study at the University College of London, researchers wanted to know if a man’s shoe size correlated with the length of his penis. Measuring the two hundred men’s feet was easy but measuring their cock was not. Evidently, there’s no perfect way to measure a man’s penis. Should it be measured when flaccid or erect?

In this study and numerous others that measure penis length, the researchers had the male stimulate himself to full erection and then measured from shaft to end. In this study, there seemed to be no correlation between shoe size, nose size, and hand size in general.

However, a group of Greek researchers measuring male body compositions including height, weight, waist/hip ratio, finger length and penis length did find a correlation between index finger length in contrast to the other fingers and cock size. It appears to be related to hormones specifically testosterone. It was found that the length of the index finger is related to higher amounts of testosterone in the womb thus also resulting in larger penises. I don’t understand this but you can bet I’m going to be checking out all male index fingers in the future.

All speculating aside, according to a recent Kinsey Institute study, the typical male is between five and seven inches in length when erect. The British Journal of Urology International found that ninety percent of women prefer a fat penis. The average girth is just under five inches. In other words, women prefer the wide-on versus the slamming of a long member against the uterus.

While the vision of a big package outlined in a pair of tight jeans sitting across from you in the bar at the end of the night has a huge fascination, I’ve come to realize the truth of the old adage “it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.”