So I get this email from a guy who met somebody he spent the weekend with.  Apparently, the clouds broke, the birds chirped, and the sun shone through.  He had met The One.

But The One barely returned his calls or texts.

So he wanted to know if he should keep calling and texting.

Which brings me to that Ostrich look.

The one we all get when hope, longing and desire makes us deaf, dumb and blind.

It’s hard to avoid it when The One sends a text for every three you send.   Doesn’t that mean he’s interested and just needs a little push?

Think back to the last time you responded once or twice to somebody who blew up your phone with calls and texts. Why didn’t you respond?  Was it because you were too busy? Because you never got any of his messages? Because you were stuck in a dead zone for a month and couldn’t call out? Because you weren’t “ready for a relationship?” Because you had intimacy issues?  Or because you weren’t interested?  You can avoid this kind of heartbreak with the next Mr. I Know He Loves Me So Why Isn’t He Calling Back? Here’s how:

Don’t Text Him Again Until He Responds.

Before you send that second text/call/email ask yourself, “Did he respond to my first text?” If the answer’s no, and you still want to send him another text, ask yourself a second question: “Do I want him to see me as a ‘Potential Boyfriend’ or a ‘Potential Restraining Order’?”

Mirror The Timing Of His Response.

If it took him a day or two to respond to your first text then take a day or two to respond back. His timing is a form of communication. Ignore this at your peril. Generally speaking, the longer he takes to answer the less interested he is. There are three main reasons he waited more than a day to text you back: a) He’s just not that into you b) He’s got a boyfriend or somebody else he’s more interested in, or c) He’s dealing with drama –an ex who won’t leave him alone or worse, a cowlick that won’t stay down. In any case, the worse thing you can do is assault him with a barrage of texts or calls.

Wait A Few Days To Confirm He Got Your First Message.

It’s entirely possible that he didn’t get it. I’ve accidentally deleted emails and texts before (you should have heard my howls). Stupid shit happens and you need to make sure his silence isn’t a product of bad luck. But wait a couple of days before you hit him with a simple, “Just wanted to make sure you got my message from a couple of days ago.”

Okay, one last thought: Don’t be foolish enough to think persistence will win him over. Yes, perseverance can pay big dividends but only if you know WHEN TO BACK THE FUCK UP. Ask anybody who’s been on the receiving end of somebody who just can’t take “No” for an answer: Persistence without patience is harassment.