#1 Area 51 Love Doll.


This inflatable beauty features, and I quote from their ad copy, “A pussy-shaped mouth, 3 supple breasts, suction cup fingers and ass-shaped ears make it the kinkiest love slave in the galaxy.”

#2 Baby Jesus Butt Plug

jesus butt plug

Anything I say will send me to hell, so I’m taking a pass.

#3 Houdini Locking Steel Cock Chastity


Sure, slap ten pounds of steel onto my penis so I can’t pee or masturbate–I got a few hours to kill. The ratcheting handcuff is a nice touch, I must say.

4. Anal Speculum

anal speculum

A game changer for the sadistic proctologist inside you.

5. Rubber Fisting Mitten


To the elbow? That’s a bunch of crap.

6. Tongue Vibrator

tongue vibrator

Cat got your tongue? It left me speechless. A disembodied tongue licking you? Wes Craven must have designed this.

7. Auto Suck


It’s designed to plug into any car cigarette lighter, so naturally the manufacturer has this warning on the box: ‘Do not use while driving!’

8. The Vagina Foot

vagina foot

It’s a rubber foot with a vagina heel. Feets don’t fail me now!

9. Dildo Gas Mask


An anal probe for the partner who just ate a burrito?

10. Piss Hole Stuffer

piss hole

Words fail.