You know, well-meaning but DULL.

 

how to give a gay blow jobWell, we have just the antidote to your yawn-producing BJs–a new book by our resident sex advice columnist, Woody Miller!

 

Rather than do the introductions we’re actually going to give you the introduction of Woody’s book.  Enjoy your soup!

 

Introduction

Raise your hand if you’re wondering what you can learn about giving head that you don’t already know. I mean, you’re gay for chrissakes! Doesn’t it come with the territory?

Now, slap yourself with that hand and ask for bla refund because I don’t want anybody that naive reading my Pulitzer Prize-winning copy. Of course I can teach you a lot, not just because I’m gay but because of what I do for a living.

I’ve been writing a gay sex advice column called Need Wood? Tips For Getting Timber for the last twelve years. I got started when an editor at a gay magazine asked if I’d like to write a funny, informative sex column. “Sure,” I said. “Send me your cutest employees and I’ll get started.”

That led to a book called Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon, and ultimately a co-hosting gig on The Sex Inspectors, a heterosexual TV show that aired on Britain’s Channel 4 and America’s HBO. I got the role because of my answer to the final question on the screen test: “What do you think of women who fake their orgasms?”

“Not much,” I said. “Men can fake whole relationships.”

But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. If you’re like most guys, you’re giving what I call “Canadian blowjobs.” You know, well meaning but dull. Not just for him, but for you.

That’s about to stop. Because with this book I’m going to show you how to give the kind of head that’ll get you married or promoted. Raise your hand if that last sentence offended you. Now, slap yourself…okay, that’s getting redundant. My point, and I do have one, is that this isn’t going to be a dry, boring, tedious roundup of BJ banter. It’s going to be a politically incorrect, no-holds-barred romp that’s going to leave you locked, cocked and ready to rock your man. Or men, ya hooker!

More importantly it’s going to do what no other book on the subject has done: Show you how to enjoy a hard penis on your terms; to discover the joys of your partner’s genitals without feeling pressured to do or act in ways that aren’t comfortable, comforting or sexually exciting. It’s about appreciating the strength, length, width and hardness of an erect cock because of what it can do for you, not for what you can do to it.

 

You know, like a porn star.

Many gay men think that blowjobs are something you do for your partner. While you can get a lot of pleasure out of “giving,” things can go sour if you lose or ignore your own urges and desires. I have a different proposition: Blowjobs are for you as much as they are for him. They shouldn’t be a chore but a choice you make for your own pleasure.

I call my approach the “selfish blowjob” because it’s more about you than him. Yes, of course, your partner will get a lot out of it, but his satisfaction, while necessary, is beside the point. It’s your pleasure that matters.

 

That’s the key to giving head like a porn star—not just pleasing your guy but pleasing yourself. It’s not just about what you can do to a dick, but what it can do for you.

 

Many gay men can sum up their feelings about giving blowjobs in one word: Meh. The good news is that by the time you finish this book, you will have a completely different attitude (and aptitude!) about giving head.

I’m going to show you how to turn a Meh into a Meow. I’m going to show you how to think of it as a turn-on, not a turn-off. By the time I’m done you’re going to be gagging for it (as opposed to on it). You’re going to see blowjobs as an effective way for you to pleasure yourself, not just him.

 

Like a porn star.

 

In fact, this is what separates this book from all others on the subject. Learning techniques is fine—if all you want to be is a skilled worker. But to truly give great head, you have to see it as a critical to your own sexual satisfaction.

I’m not just going to show you the art of getting through giving. I’m going to show you something far more powerful: How to get so turned on by blowjobs that they become necessary for your sexual satisfaction. I’m going to show you that it’s possible to like them so much that you will beg your partner to let you do it. Like this guy:

“I have no idea why but there are some days where I’m actually craving the feel of cock in my mouth and I basically need to persuade my boyfriend to let me do it. I think it’s partially to do with his scent that he emits during sex.”

T.
 
 
You are going to hear from over forty different people on why they love giving blowjobs. Their stories and anecdotes come from blog posts, columns and discussion boards all over the Internet (especially Reddit. In fact, if the quote isn’t directly sourced, it means it came from a Reddit thread).

Many of these quotes are from porn stars others are from “civilians.” Both have something in common: They LOVE giving head. Some quotes are informative, some are moving, some are shocking and some are funny. Put together you’ll see a common theme: It is possible to turn a boring chore into a stellar choice. It is possible for the giver to like giving blowjobs as much or more than the men receiving them.

Let’s find out how you can, too. Your pleasure-mobile just pulled up and it’s going to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. Hop in.