If you can’t meet Mr. Right, you need new goals. Yours are killing you.
You can’t meet Mr. Right (Or Mr. Right Now) if you’re riddled with a fear of rejection. Approach anxiety –the fear of starting a conversation with an attractive stranger–gets triggered by unreasonable goals. For example, telling yourself you need to go to the other side of the bar and pick up that hottie in the corner is about the most unreasonable goal you can come up with. You can’t expect to get to the top of Mt. Hottie without first setting up base camp.
That’s why you’ve got to set reasonable goals. “Meet a quality guy,” “Sleep with a hot man” or “get a husband” may be things you want, but they don’t qualify as reasonable goals. You can’t get there from where you are. You’d get better results–and faster ones–if you had goals that weren’t tied to outcomes. So here’s a stellar gay tip– From now on, your main objective is:
Be More Talkative
It’s the only way to convey the allure of your personality. No talking means no gay pickup. No personality means no chance of climbing Mt. Hottie. You have to practice being talkative with EVERYONE not just the guys you like. And you have to practice it EVERYWHERE, not just in bars or parties.
If your ultimate desire in climbing Mt. Hottie is, ahem, planting the flag, then you need to change your goal from getting something to being something. Namely, TALKATIVE. It’s the first commandment of picking up gay men.
Now, it’s true that you have to get good at specific kinds of conversations, but even that doesn’t matter unless you get into the habit of being naturally talkative. Gay tip Duh: If you can’t talk to strangers you’re not attracted to you’ll never be able to talk to strangers you are.
Try these exercises and see if at the end of just a couple of days you don’t already have way more confidence about climbing Mt. Hottie than you did before you started.
1. Say Hello to Strangers
To everyone, everywhere, all of the time. Whether they look at you or not. Whether you think they’ll say hello back or not.
2. Go out of your way to say hello to acquaintances
I’m talking about that acquaintance on the other side of the coffee shop. You’d say hello if there weren’t so many people in the place. STOP. Move your body. Get up and say hello.
3. Make small talk with acquaintances you typically only say hello to.
You know that person you’ve been saying hello to, for like, years, and you’ve never had a proper conversation? Start one.
Remember, If you can’t talk to strangers you’re not attracted to you’ll never be able to talk to strangers you are. Once you get used to being talkative everywhere with everyone, you can start using conversational techniques that are guaranteed to predispose guys to like you. And then you’ll get a breathtaking view from the top of that mountain.
Mike Alvear is the author the gay dating bible, Meet The Hottie In The Corner–The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear of Rejection, Master the Art of Icebreakers and Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get.