how to bottomHow To Bottom: A Guide To Gay Sex

There are two types of guys that want to learn how to bottom. First is the newbie. Like squeezing a Cadillac into a dog house, you just can’t imagine how something so big can fit into such a little hole without causing an excruciating amount of pain. 

You’re probably also afraid of the mess you might leave behind on the sheets.  Some guys live in mortal fear that bottoming will create a “shit show” in the bedroom and stain their psyches as well as their sheets. 

If you’re the second type of guy you’re not a newbie. You’ve bottomed before, but it hurt like hell so you gave up on it. In fact, it was as painful as you feared and while there wasn’t a shit show, there was the odd smell or tire track that kinda grossed you out. 

You stopped trying even though still, to this day, you want to be more sexually versatile.

The good news for both types of guys is that bottoming is not the sexual equivalent of walking over hot coals.  You don’t have to put yourself through hell to get to the other side.  All you need is a little patience and a bit of know-how.

The kind you’re about to get.

HOW TO BOTTOM

how to have butt sex

Emotional Blocks That Stop You From Bottoming
“Anticipatory pain” and a perceived loss of masculinity can put your butt in a headlock.

How To Make Anal Not Hurt
It isn’t just your sphincter causing all that pain. Take a tour of your butt.

How To Do Anal Right The First Time
A guide to completely relaxing your sphincter.

Best Gay Sex Positions
How to squeeze a Cadillac into a dog house.

How To Do Anal Sex With A Clueless Top
Who’s in charge? Surprise! It isn’t the top.

How To Get The Most Out Of A Top and Make Anal Sex Feel Good
A hungry junkyard dog is more fun than a poodle.

Avoiding A Shit Show
Get your butt cleaner than a Disney movie.

Thoughts That Can Stop You From Bottoming

how to a better bottom

TWO BELIEFS will prevent you from attempting or enjoying anal sex because they’ll tense your body tighter than a camel’s ass in a sandstorm. Let’s tackle the first one because it’s the easiest to fix.

“This is going to hurt.”

Believing that learning how to bottom will be painful creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.  This belief generates the kind of fear that renders you unable to relax, thus manifesting what you dreaded. 

Psychologists call this belief “anticipatory pain.” We all experience it in different areas of our lives.  For example, if you fear needles you might feel anticipatory pain at the thought of getting a flu shot. It works emotionally, too. You could feel it about attending an ex-lover’s wedding.

Anticipatory pain, dread, will lock up your sphincter and puborectal muscles tighter than two coats of paint. The more you believe bottoming will hurt, the tenser your body will get.  

why does bottoming hurt

If your self-talk is filled with the language of expected pain (“this is going to hurt like hell,”  “I’ll never walk again!” “BRACE FOR IMPACT!”) you can bet your butt will clench for its safety as hard as it can.  

The first step to overcoming anticipatory pain is to acknowledge that learning how to have gay sex  doesn’t have to be painful.

The evidence for that is everywhere–from friends who love to bottom and never complain about pain to perhaps your own experiences topping guys who could easily and painlessly take you in.

Now let’s talk about that second belief that can put your butt in a headlock:

Is Bottoming A Threat To Your Masculinity?

having butt sexWhen was the last time you heard someone make fun of a top?  Never.  But bottoms?  Wow, let us count the ways.  From dismissing comments (“Oh, he’s just a big bottom”) to derisive jokes (“Why did the gay man cross the road?  He heard the chicken was a top”) we ridicule bottoming in countless ways.

Can you imagine somebody saying, “There’s nothing but tops in this town?”  Exactly.  You can’t.  The most exalted thing you can say about a gay man, the biggest compliment you can pay him, is to call him a “top.” 

And the worst thing you can say about him, the best way to put him down, is to call him a “bottom.”  Why?  Because a lot of people buy into the idea that…

Real Men Don’t Bottom

This is the single biggest emotional stumbling block gay men have about bottoming—being labeled less than a man. 

For many of us, bottoming isn’t an opportunity to enjoy a pleasurable sexual experience but an act that threatens our sense of masculinity and the respect that goes with it.  

Many gay men believe if they bottom they will become “a bottom.”  They fear that bottoming will create a new, unwanted identity for them; that they’ll become, ahem, the butt of everyone’s jokes.

how to be a good bottom gay

It just may be that you haven’t been able to bottom (or been able to enjoy it) because you have so many emotional issues around the act. 

If you can get away from the falsehood of bottoming as an identity and see it for what it is—an erotic activity–the more relaxed and receptive you will be.  

It’s simply wrong to equate topping with masculinity and bottoming with femininity. Just like your sexual orientation says nothing about your character, your preference for bottoming or topping says nothing about your masculinity. 

how to be a great gay bottom

Labels Belong On Can, Not A Man.  

We don’t like the words “top”, “bottom” or even “versatile” because in the end, they’re labels. 

And while labels can sometimes act as helpful linguistic shorthand, they almost always morph into psychic prisons preventing you from experiencing all that there is to experience. 

Labels can get ridiculous. Like, are you allowed to be called a top if you like giving blowjobs?  

Bottom line: There is no shame in being gay; there is no shame in liking to receive.  The only thing shameful is how willing we are to buy into such bogus labels.  

Unless you start seeing the words “top” and “bottom” as verbs instead of identities, it will be difficult for you to learn how to bottom without pain.  

No amount of sphincter relaxation exercises, breathing patterns and desensitization techniques can overcome a paralyzing fear of losing your masculinity. 

Unless you come to terms with your fears, unless you start rejecting the demonstrably false belief that receiving a penis makes you less than a man it will be very difficult for you to bottom at all, let alone pleasurably.

Now that we’ve handled the psychological blocks that might stop you from bottoming, let’s talk about the very real physical challenge before you: 

How do you get something as large as a penis through something as small as your sphincter without dialing 911?  

gay anal sex

Before I explain how, you need to know something about the way your butt is built.  

How To Make Anal Not Hurt

Knowledge is power.  Here’s what you have to know:  You have three pain points.

Pain Point #1:  Your Sphincter.

You may only have one sphincter but you have two sets of muscles that open and close it.

You are most familiar with the external sphincter muscles because you can consciously tighten and release them. 

But you also have a set of internal sphincter muscles, which you have no control over.

The internal and external sphicter muscles are bands of tissues that overlap each other, surrounding both sides of the anal canal’s entrance. 

While they serve the exact same function (traffic cops guarding the anal canal ) they go about it in different ways. 

How The Two Sets of Sphincter Muscles Work Together
Welcome to the first dilemma faced by people who want to learn how to become a bottom:

The internal and external sphincter muscles can and often do work independently of each other.

Tight internal sphincter muscles can squeeze the anal canal even if the external sphincter muscles are consciously relaxed, thus making penetration very painful. 

Conversely, it’s possible to have relaxed internal sphincter muscles and tightened external sphincter muscles. 

This too can cause pain because the anal canal gets squeezed together.

Tight external sphincter muscles  can squeeze the anal canal even if the internal sphincter muscles are consciously relaxed. 

If you want to learn how to be a good bottom, sans the pain,  you must relax both sets of sphincter muscles.

But wait! Only the external set is under conscious control. This sets up an interesting dilemma. How on earth are you going to relax the internal sphincter muscles if they don’t  listen to you?

We’re going to solve that riddle later, grasshopper.  For now, let’s talk about the next pain point you have to deal with. 

Pain Point #2:  Your S-Sling

You own a sling?

It’s deep in your dungeon where it belongs.  The puborectal sling is a strong ring of supportive muscle that creates a curve in the rectum. 

You’re not the only thing that isn’t straight, you know.  Neither is your rectum.  The sling pulls the lower end of the rectum toward your belly button.

This is important if you want to know how to make anal sex not hurt –the S-curve caused by the sling is responsible for pain point #2. 

The more the sling pulls the lower rectum toward the navel, the more pronounced your S-curve will be.  Why would that create pain? 

Because the S-curve creates a “rectal wall” your partner’s penis will ram into. It’ll feel like you’re getting rammed by the business end of a baseball bat.

Pain Point #3:  Your Pubo-Rectal Muscles.
You have muscles across the entire puborectal region. Pain during anal sex can be caused by a simple law of nature: The muscles in your body contract when you insert something into them. 

The puborectal region is not used to being penetrated. It will interpret the penetrating object as an invading army that must be repelled. 

All the muscles, fibers and tissues in the area will contract when you insert a foreign object, making it exceedingly difficult to bottom.  These contractions are simply the body trying to protect itself.

How To Do Anal Right The First Time

A guide to completely relaxing your sphincter.

Now that you know the problems of having gay sex what are the solutions? 

We’re going to show you by wandering up your poop chute. So jump in the shower (or a bidet!) and soap up.

how to be a bottom gay

Let’s get your butt cleaner than Intel’s chip factory!

Get yourself comfortable and haul out the lube. It doesn’t matter how you do the following explorations—laying down, squatting or bending over. 

Nor does it matter which hand, which finger or what type of lube you use.  Just make sure you’re comfortable.

Get ready to have your mind blown, for you are about to experience some wondrous features about your sphincter.

Step 1:  Gently press the tip of your finger against your anus WITHOUT INSERTING IT.

Press it gently but firmly on the opening to your anus.  Stay here for a few moments and let your finger feel what’s happening to the external sphincter. 

Make sure, however, that you’re pressing on it without actually inserting your finger.

It should feel like you’re being pressed against a fence in a sold-out concert.  You’re not going through the fence but it’s really snug against you.

Step 2:  Slowly inhale to a count of six while tightening your sphincter as hard as you can.

Keep your finger gently pressed, but not inserted into, your anus.  Keep a steady count to six until you get to the end of the inhale.  

Step 3:  Pause for 3-5 seconds.

Keep squeezing your sphincter as tight as you can. Tighter, like a clam’s ass at high tide!

Step 4:  Relax your sphincter as you slowly exhale to a count of 8.

Pay careful attention and you’ll be amazed at what happens: As you exhale and release, your sphincter relaxes onto your finger!  

How much of your finger got drawn in?  An inch?  One eighth of an inch?  It doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you just experienced a key insight to pain-free bottoming:  

how to be a good bottom for topYou don’t insert a penis into your rectum; you relax onto it.

This is perhaps the most important thing for you to know in learning how to have anal sex .  Inserting an object into the anal canal guarantees a tightening of the sphincter muscles. Let’s repeat this key insight:

Don’t let your partner insert his penis into you; allow your butt to draw it in.

This insight helps you work with your anatomy, not against it.  A relaxed sphincter releases downward.  When it tightens, it contracts upward, drawing in whatever it was relaxed onto. 

This release downward/contract upward process facilitates an interesting anatomical phenomenon:  A small vacuum that literally sucks an object in. 

Now you know why people end up in the ER for putting things like light bulbs and garden vegetables up their butt. 

how to be a better bottom gay

Once you draw your finger in (no matter how little), keep it there without moving.  As your anus realizes it’s not under attack you will feel the sphincter muscles relaxing further. 

If you really pay attention you’ll feel both sphincters.  They feel like two separate rings with about a quarter of an inch of flesh between them.  

Squeeze and relax your anus.  Notice that the external sphincter relaxes on command while the internal sphincter does not. 

You can actually feel it tightening and relaxing spontaneously in pulses, as if it had a mind of its own.  

How cool is that?

Don’t do anything right now, just notice it. Keep your finger in there long enough and you’ll physically feel the internal sphincter—the one that does not obey conscious commands– relax around your finger.  Feel it? 

You just experienced a great lesson in learning how to have analIf you’re patient enough the muscles you can’t consciously control will unconsciously release.  

The :60 Sphincter Release Technique

how to be a sub bottomWe’ve borrowed a lot of the information you see here from one of the best selling gay sex books, How To Bottom Like A Porn Star. The book introduced a phenomenal new sphincter release technique this year called The :60 Sphincter Release, based on the contraction-release dynamics you just read above. 

It would be churlish of us to reveal what it is, given the author has allowed us to steal copiously from his book at no charge.  Click here if you want the step-by-step details.

Okay, let’s keep going.  You can’t be a fudge-packing butt pirate if you just sit there with your finger up your ass.

Best Gay Sex Positions

How to squeeze a Cadillac into a dog house.

how to be a sub bottom

Think of anal sex as a gay Super Mario Brothers video game.

The guy who’s topping you, a plumber named Mario, arrives in an outlandish realm (your ass) to battle King Virgin and rescue the milky white Prince Prostate.

The king has set two main traps that keep Mario from massaging Prince Prostate and letting his waters run dry. 

The first is the Giant Gate we just talked about—the internal and external sphincter muscles protecting the prince with the force of a squeeze-cement job.

Earlier, we figured out how to trick the sphincter into releasing its hold and voila, the Giant Gate swung open, allowing Mario, and later his brother Luigi and depending on your inclinations, everyone in Topland, access to the Prince’s fruited plain.

But immediately upon entering, Mario slams into a second trap that seems to come out of nowhere—a wall. 

This wall, knocks Mario on his ass and causes all the minions in the pubo-rectal kingdom to cry out in pain.

Mario doesn’t have many choices.  Sure, he could try to force himself through the wall, but he wants to pleasure Prince Prostate, not put him in traction.

He certainly can’t dig under or jump over the wall because the attempt itself would put the Prince in the ICU.

What can Mario do?

Welcome to our next lesson in how to have painless anal sex.

Make The Wall Disappear
Mario doesn’t need to go under, over or through it. He just needs you to make the wall go away. Let me explain.

Most of us think the plumbing in our ass goes down a straight line like the garbage shoot in an apartment complex.  But it actually curves in two places. 

The first curve occurs almost immediately upon entering the sphincter (causing that wall Mario’s penis keeps slamming into).  

As you learned earlier, this curve is caused by the puborectal sling, a strong, supportive muscle that wraps around the rectum. 

The curve creates a “rectal wall” that stops the penis from entering.  

The puborectal sling acts like a rope holding back a stage curtain. 

When the rope is released, the curtain straightens out and the “rectal wall” disappears, giving your partner unfettered access to the goods within.  

So how do you make that “rectal wall” disappear so you can do anal without it hurting?  

The position of your legs in relation to your torso.  The closer your legs are to your torso, the more your S-curve will straighten.   

Your S is at its “curviest” when you’re standing up or laying down with heels touching the ground (that’s why missionary position can hurt so much). 

Even if you completely relax both the internal and external sphincter muscles, your partner’s penis will hit the “wall” created by the puborectal sling. 

The sitting position straightens the S-Curve significantly (although not completely), making it a less painful position for butt sex than missionary.  

The S-curve is at its straightest when your knees are pulled up close to your body. Any position that creates at least a 90 degree angle—like squatting — will dramatically straighten your S-curve.

No position will completely straighten it, though, so you will have to make adjustments.

The puborectal sling that causes the S-curve varies from person to person. 

Some slings are exceedingly relaxed and rest loosely around the rectum, so they straighten easily and make the “rectal wall” completely disappear.  

This is why some guys can bottom for Thanos without raising an eyebrow.

Some slings are exceedingly tense, rest tightly around the rectum and do not straighten easily, keeping the “rectal wall” up.  

This is why some guys couldn’t bottom for a gnat with erectile dysfunction. 

Some slings have different shapes and lay in slightly different locations. Thus, it’s almost impossible to say which position will best straighten the sling’s S-curve for you.

It’s strictly a function of your anatomy. The only way you’re going to find out is to try different positions. 

Let’s, ahem, press on. 

How To Do Anal Sex With A Clueless Top

Who’s in charge? Surprise! It isn’t the top.

how to be a better bottom gayLearning how to bottom for a top is the ultimate act of sexual surrender. You submit to another guy. You open wide and he fills you up. You’re being “taken,” owned. You’re somebody else’s property.  

Given this, most guys who bottom think the top should be in charge. As the submissive, they believe their role is to simply respond, yield and surrender.    

The truth is far more complicated than that. Learning how to make anal sex pleasurable requires you to find the best position to straighten out your S-curve, relax your sphincter, estimate the best angle of entry and control the pace of penetration. 

How are you going to do that if your partner is in charge?

We say this with love, but what your partner doesn’t know about your ass is a lot.

He has no idea how it’s put together.  He’s likely to do everything wrong—go too fast, use too much force, start when you’re not ready and go in at the wrong angle.  

Laying back and letting him take charge is a guarantee of enormous pain.

You may as well buy an expensive, heavy duty leather strap to bite down on because you’re going to gnaw right through a cheap one.

The submissive has to be in charge of the dominant. This is a head-rattling contradiction, we admit. How can the guy surrendering control of his body have more power than the guy he’s surrendering it to? 

You can understand this contradiction by asking a fundamental question: Who has the power to dictate the terms of a consensual sexual encounter?

The guy who can say no.

how to be a good bottom for top

This is true about almost everything in relationships.  Who has the emotional power in courtship? 

The guy who can say no to going out with you.

Who has the financial power in a relationship? The guy who can say no to a purchase. Who has the power to end a relationship?

The one who can say no to it.

It’s the same with bottoming.  The person with the power is the guy who can say no and that is always the guy who bottoms.

He sets almost all the terms, including and especially, whether anal sex is going to take place at all. 

You just have to look at your own sexual history to understand this phenomenon.

Have you ever been in a consensual (not coercive) sexual situation with an insistent top you didn’t want to bottom for?

It might have gone something like this:

Top:  I want to top you.

You:  I’d rather not the first time we get together.

Top:  Come on, it’ll be hot.

You:  It’s not something I’m comfortable with yet.

Top:  Come on! Let’s do it.

You:  No, some other time.

Top:  Why not now?

You:  I don’t know, it doesn’t feel right.

Top:  But I can make it feel right.

You:  Probably, but not tonight.

Now, who called the shots?  Who controlled the situation? Who determined the outcome?

how to be a bottom gayYou did.

The top had to make a case for what he wanted. He had to argue the merits. He petitioned the court. 

The judge, you, the bottom partner, handed down the ruling.   

The guy who bottoms calls the shots on everything. Not just if anal sex is going to happen but how it’s going to happen.

Let’s say you grant his wish to bottom for him. He wants the penetration to be rough; you don’t. Who wins?

You do.

He wants to do it raw but you’re insisting on a condom. Who wins?

You do.

He wants to put you in a position you don’t like.  Who wins?

You do. 

Oh, we know he can talk you into or out of any of this, but the fact that he has to persuade you is proof he doesn’t have the power to make the decision.

Yes, he could force you to do it but that enters the realm of coercive sex and I am talking strictly about consensual encounters.

In the final analysis, a top is nothing but your bitch. He needs your permission to do as he wishes. That’s hardly a sign of power.

We’re  saying all this because you need to understand something essential:  

You are in control whether you like it or not.

The blissful surrender you seek from bottoming comes only after you’ve set the stage for it. 

How To Get The Most Out Of A Top and Make Anal Sex Feel Good

how to do anal for the first timeA skilled partner can make the difference between pain and glory.

Unfortunately, there are few guys named glory, as inexperience abounds.

That isn’t necessarily a bad thing until you realize that an alarming number of guys learn about anal sex through porn, which is like  learning how to spell from somebody who can’t read.

Porn shows us that there’s only one way to top: Act like you flexed and the sleeves came off, take hostages and give them a back alley pounding.

Your wishes mean nothing to him. Oooh, does it hurt, Princess? Shut up, it’s supposed to hurt! WHACK!

Now there’s a lot to be said for the junkyard dog school of anal sex, but for newbies hoping for a future without wheelchairs? Not so much.

On the other side of the coin, you might end up with a teacup poodle—a tender top who’s so sensitive to your feelings he doesn’t exactly fit the portrait of somebody you want to submit to. 

Unlike the porn stereotype, he really does care about whether it hurts, but he doesn’t know how to assert his masculinity in a sexually appealing way.

The best partner for a newbie is a romanticized version of a dom top.

He’s the ideal mix of a good power driller and the dreamy husband who knows how to make love. 

However, this kind of lover is exceedingly hard to come by. 

From a probability standpoint the odds are that you’re going to end up with a junkyard dog, rather than an idealized lover or a teacup poodle. 

Which means you’re going to have to take control early and often or the pain is going to turn you into a man-hating homosexual.

How To Deal With A Junkyard Dog

how to have anal sex for the first time

The problem with junkyard dogs is that they come at you as if they’re staging a rape.

This makes the bottom partner’s entire pubo-rectal area—sphincter, S-curve and surrounding muscles—tighten with the force of a boa constrictor. It’s easy to spot the kind of guy that turns into a junkyard dog in bed. 

If he takes his dog out to pee and they both use the same tree, chances are he’s going to be unthinking in bed.

If he thinks fast food is hitting a deer at 65 MPH, he probably doesn’t think patience is a virtue. 

If he kisses you roughly he’s going to treat you like a Thanksgiving Day turkey—he’s going to spread your legs open and try to stuff it in.

The key is to slow him down early, way before he’s on top of you, naked.  Your goal is to interrupt his pattern and set new ones. 

Start non-verbally.  If he manhandles you, take his hand and rub it gently on your body, indicating how you like it.

If he starts ripping your shirt off, put your hands over his and whisper “gentle.” 

If he kisses you like he’s won a war, put a finger over his lips, kiss him how you want to be kissed and say, “like this.”

Keep ratcheting up the pattern-interrupts until he gets it.   They say diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie” while you get a bigger rock, but in this case it’s just about getting the doggie to be nicer. 

It’s important to verbally encourage him when he does what you want (“I love it when you kiss me like that”). Sometimes you don’t even need words.

Just moan upon receiving a touch or a kiss that feels good. Other times you have to be direct—“Oww, that hurts. Touch me gently–it really turns me on.”

How To Deal With A Teacup Poodle

how to make anal sex less painful

Let’s say you’re on the couch and nothing is happening because Peter Poodle won’t make a move.  How do you get him to take charge? 

First, make sure you’re not sending “go away” signals. Any gesture or movement that forms a barrier, like folding your arms over your chest, is a signal you don’t want things to go further.

The same holds true if you hold your hands together, cross your legs, close your knees, slouch, or hold anything that blocks your chest, heart and stomach. They’re all a signal to stay away. 

Are your arms crossed?  Uncross them. Are you holding your hands together?  Separate them. Are you holding your drink in a way that forms a moat against him?  Put it down. 

All of these actions open up what body language researchers call your “Territory Line,” physically inviting people to get closer to you.

Okay, let’s say you’ve opened up your body language but Peter Poodle still isn’t making a move. Now what?  It’ll be easier for him to make a move if you lock eyes, so get him to look at you.  How? 

Turn and face him.

how to make anal sex not hurt

Body language researchers have long noted that romantically interested couples will unconsciously mirror each other.

We imitate each other’s gestures, postures and expressions to create rapport and a feeling of acceptance.

It’s a way of saying, “I like you, I’m on the same wavelength.” 

If you turn to face him he’ll soon “mirror” you and turn to face you—all within five to fifty seconds.  

Okay, you’ve fine-tuned your body language by opening your “Territory Line,” and gotten him to face you directly.

Now it’s time for him to touch you.

You could just touch him yourself but you need to set expectations for him to be more assertive. How do you do that? 

Pick up his hand and put it on your leg.

It really is that easy.

He’s naturally going to rub, squeeze or move his hand higher, and now he’s got you right where you want him: Set up to kiss you.  

If it takes him more than a minute to land a kiss you know you’re dating a potted plant and that you’re going to have to water him by the end of the evening.

Seriously, don’t you kiss him. Get him to kiss you. In your most charming voice say, “Are you going to kiss me or what?”

At some point he’ll realize you’re not seducing him; you’re inviting him to seduce you. 

Praise him when he initiates a kiss. If he hears you say, “I like a guy who takes charge” he will finally get the hint.

Keeping Your Top Hard

how to make anal sex easier

Whether you’ve tamed the Rottweiler or goosed the Poodle, there is a very real possibility he won’t get hard enough to top you, so pay attention to his erection.

No one is always hard or always soft. In fact, erections wax and wane throughout a sexual encounter, so don’t freak out if this happens.

You should, however, be worried about the quality of his erection right before penetration because if he isn’t hard enough things are not going to end well.

Let’s say his erection is only two thirds of the way there, but the momentum finds both of you on the cusp of penetration.

Don’t let it happen.

Don’t lay back and think of England. 

His penis must get harder for successful penetration and it’s not going to get harder unless you do something about it.

Stay where you are and use your hands to stiffen him up.  That will often do the trick. If it doesn’t, delay penetration with more oral or manual. 

Yes, that’s a hassle and a momentum-killer but it pales in comparison to the awkwardness of trying for penetration with an unworthy erection.  

If you want to avoid these kinds of mood-killers you’d be wise to follow this simple rule: Play with his penis until the moment he penetrates you.

If he’s completely hard, keep playing with it. If he’s almost there, keep playing with it.  You cannot go wrong stimulating a penis before it enters you.

And don’t forget the balls. Never forget the balls!

Keep Logistical Problems To A Minimum

Distractions are kryptonite to erections.  Imagine trying to stay hard through this scenario:

YOU: “Wait, let me scoot up on the bed.  Hold on, let me fluff the pillows.  Crap, I forgot the towel” (you lean over and pull the drawer out.  Rats, it isn’t there!). You get up, find one, lay it down. Ralph Rottweiler (or Peter Poodle) gets on top you and you’re like, “DAMN, where’s the lube?! (Lean in, open the drawer, take it out). Wait, there’s not enough in there!  (Fumble in drawer looking for a new bottle. Find it.).  “Wait, let me just open the plastic wrap.” You can’t because your nails aren’t long enough. You find a pen to stab it with, finally open it.  You put lube on his dick and in your ass. You’re ready when you suddenly realize…

“I have to pee.”

No one can stay rock hard through that kind of supply chain management.

You can’t bring Marie Kondo in to spark joy in your sex drawer but you can be prepared.  Don’t drive a stake of distraction through the heart of his erection.

Avoiding A Shit Show

Get your butt cleaner than a Disney movie.

how to have anal sex without pain

Your fears of needing a pooper-scooper device by your bed are based on a misconception that feces are stored in the rectum. 

In fact, they are not.  As you can see below, feces are stored in the sigmoid colon, which sits above the rectum. 

The Sigmoid Juncture (a type of sphincter muscle) prevents stool from entering the rectum unless you consciously allow defecation to take place. Stool is stored in the Sigmoid Colon, not the rectum or anal canal.

Unless your partner has an Anaconda for a penis, it is never going to loosen the Sigmoid Juncture, which again, prevents stool from entering the rectum.

Bottom line: The rectum and the anal canal do not store feces. Therefore, a good clean shower with copious finger-mopping will do you fine.

Unless you eat like crap.

And your underwear looks like NASCAR’S logo.

If so, improve your diet.  The best way to get your butt clean is to eat enough fiber so your underwear is clean at the end of the day and the fiber shapes the stool so it hits the toilet like an Acapulco diver.

If your butt is dirtier than you’d like and you need in-depth advice coupled with the latest information on douches and enemas, read our comprehensive post, How To Prepare For Anal Sex.