gay sex adviceGay Sex Advice: Tips For Bottoming and Blowjobs

Welcome to the internet’s clearest, most understandable tips on bottoming and blowjobs. If you’re here to put some bing in your bang, this guide to gay sex is for you. This is what we’re going to cover:

gay sex tips

Gay Sex Advice On Anal

Geared for the newbie who’s so pure Moses couldn’t part his knees.

Tips On Bottoming With A Clean Butt

Bits and bobs that’ll help you forget your name as you scream out his.

Gay Sex Tips On Oral

Are you giving “Ukranian” blowjobs? Well-meaning, but dull?  We’re going to help you fire it up.

The Secret Sauce To Gay Sex–Anal or Oral

How to build the kind of anticipation that ends with fiery orgasms

Gay Sex Advice On Anal

You have three sources of pain that will stop you from playing hide-the-sausage with your partners. The first one is your sphincter.  

What many people don’t realize is that there are two sets of sphincter muscles that control the opening and closing of the anus.

The first is the external muscles, which you are familiar with because you use them to stop yourself from peeing.

The second set of muscles are the internal ones and they do not obey your wishes.

So while it is possible to relax the external sphincter muscles with conscious thought, you cannot do that with the internal muscles. 

This sets up a sort of Gordian Knot problem: how do you relax a set of muscles that are not in your voluntary control?

Most guys can get the hang of relaxing their external set of sphincter muscles but that doesn’t mean the internal ones will relax.

This sets up an odd situation where half your sphincter muscles are relaxed and the other ones aren’t.

So how can you relax the internal sphincter muscles that are not in your voluntary control?

First, you have to be able to exercise voluntary control over the external sphincter muscles.

You can do that with standard muscle relaxation exercises and breathing.  

It also helps to understand that a tighten sphincter creates a vacuum and you can use that to your advantage in eliminating pain in anal sex.

For details on how to do that check out our page how to bottom without pain.

There is also an awesome technique called The :60 Sphincter Release which you can read about here.  

anal guideYour Second Pain Point
Every man Has a puborectal sling wrapped around the rectum that creates a curve in the bottom part of the rectum.

If you don’t straighten it, the head of your partner’s penis will ram it, causing an excruciating amount of pain.  

As you can see from the illustration above, the puborectal sling creates the ultimate cock block– a curve that blocks the penis from entering the rectum.

How do you solve this problem? Loosen the puborectal sling so that the rectum straightens on its own.

The best way of doing that? Make sure your knees are at an angle of 90 degrees to your torso.

Squatting is the very best example.  It also explains why getting topped in the missionary position will hurt like hell unless you bring your knees to your ears.

anal sex adviceYour Third Pain Point
 If you look at the illustrations above you will see lots of muscle and tissue surrounding the organs in the puborectal region.

They are used to helping the body get rid of things, not take them on. So any insertion, whether it’s a finger, a sex toy or a penis, is going to be met with a withering skepticism.

In other words, upon insertion all the muscles and tissues will naturally contract.

There’s an easy way out of that– insert things slowly, wait for the muscles and tissues to habituate, and then proceed. 

Tips On Bottoming With A Clean Butt

The first thing you need to know is that butt sex does not create a shit show. You’re not going to crap all over yourself, or the sheets or on your partner’s penis. 

The illustration below shows you why: The rectum and the anal canal do not store feces, even when you have the urge to defecate.

That job belongs to the sigmoid colon, where feces are stored until you allow elimination to happen consciously.

In the illustration you’ll see sphincter muscle called the sigmoid juncture (damn, how many sphincters do we have in our bodies!?). 

It will not allow stool to travel from the sigmoid colon into the rectum/anal canal and greet your partner’s penis with a bag of unwanted chocolate.

The most you will find in the rectum and the anal canal is some residue, sludge, and the occasional brown booger. Again, that’s because the anal canal does not store feces. 

If you consistently find more than residue and boogers in your anal canal it’s likely that your sigmoid juncture– the “gate” that stops stool from entering the rectum from the sigmoid– is not very strong and is letting stool in when it shouldn’t.

If that’s the case you should go on a program of kegels for anal sex.

If your diet is good and you’re eating enough fiber so that stool passes cleanly and firmly through the rectum into the anal canal, then the only thing you need to do to prepare for anal sex is to shower and do a little finger mopping.

See our page, how to clean your butt for anal for more details on fiber and whether you should use an enema or a douche.

And if all this talk about anal brings out the top in you, check out our page, How To Top Like A Stud.

Gay Sex Tips: Blowjobs

gay sex tips

Having a warm, wet, moist mouth is the single most important aspect of giving head. It will send your partner to Mars and back on a discount ticket.

This can be problematic for some as not everybody has a mouth moist enough to launch interplanetary trips. 

Without a wet mouth, your lips tend to “tug” on a guy’s skin rather than glide along, and you won’t make it too far down the shaft before he expresses his discomfort.

Here’s a neat trick to get the juices in your mouth going: 

gay sex adviceVisualize biting into a lemon.  

You can also drink a lot more water and chew gum–it’ll warm up your salivary glands.

Concentrate on giving the penis a full-length mouth massage.

The objective here is to cover the entirety of his penis with your mouth (or as much as you can without gagging) while establishing a bobbing rhythm and increasing the pressure with your lips.

As your mouth descends on his hardness, flatten your tongue to provide fuller contact with the penis.

It’s warmer, moister and creates a better pressure seal. It also opens your vocal canal, allowing you to take more of the your guy’s cock in your mouth.

Remember: Grip with the Lips, and Flatten with the Tongue.

Your tongue should be in near-constant motion, massaging the underside of the shaft on down strokes and circling the head on upstrokes.

Depending on the size of your partner’s penis (is it a taco? A burrito?) you’re going to gag sooner or later.

The trick is to know when you’re getting close to your gag reflex and stopping before you get there.

We’ll talk about getting rid of your gag reflex in a later chapter but for now, simply avoid the trigger spot.

It isn’t pleasant for either of you. You’ll cough up a lung and he’ll have his pleasure interrupted. Nobody wins!

Speaking of nobody winning, let’s talk about teeth.

Don’t.

Ever.

Do you know how a man spells “pain” when his partner uses teeth?

IN ALL CAPS. 

anal sex tipsA Great Secret To Giving Head

French kissing the head of the penis will give your man one of the most intensely pleasurable sensations he can have during a blowjob.

Just put the head of his penis in your mouth and pretend you’re French kissing his lips. Actually, there’s no pretending because there are a pair of lips on the top of his glans—they are labia-like formations that cover the opening to his urethra.

Use the same tongue strokes and head rotations as if you were kissing his mouth.

Mix in some puckered-lip smooches and I promise you he’ll be drenched in so much pleasure he’ll be, well, tongue-tied.

Your partner will no doubt stop the proceedings and ask “what the hell are you doing to make this feel so good!”

anal play tipsOr they asked after the session was over. Here’s why it’s such a stunning sensation: When your tongue French kisses the head of the glans three things happen simultaneously—he feels the warm wetness of your mouth, the massaging action of your tongue and stimulation of an orifice most women ignore—the opening to his urethra.

This is your secret weapon, the technique few men have experienced. We admit we stole it from the best book on giving blowjobs

Check it out–there are a lot more tips we can’t print here because of space limitations.

guide to anal sexThe Power of Sound

Finally, “sex sounds” will make your head sessions feel like a manned moon shot.

Along with talking dirty, the natural sounds of a wet mouth on a hard cock are especially appealing to men because it adds another dimension to the experience.

Especially if you’re in a position where he can’t see you. What he lacks in visuals you’ll more than make up with sounds.

Try an experiment on your partner: Have him turn his back to you while you pull up a porn video with a fantastic oral sex scene.

Turn the volume up. The squelching sounds of hands and a saliva-covered mouth rubbing over a pulsing hard cock will bring him to his knees (and hopefully you too!).

Why are sex sounds such a turn-on?

tips for bottomingBecause they amplify what you’re seeing and feeling.

It’s easy to see why ambient sounds are important—because they can create emotions.

For example, imagine making love in a room next to a construction site with all kinds of noise pollution—beeping backup trucks, jackhammers on concrete and strange men yelling at each other.

Not terribly conducive to love-making.

Now pretend the room is outside a deserted beach with waves lapping at the shore. Big difference, no?

Sounds don’t just create an emotional state, they also give context to what you’re doing. Ever driven an all-electric car?

There’s almost no sound from the engine. It’s a little unsettling.

Whether it’s an electric vehicle or a hot man, you do NOT want to be in a position of wondering whether you’ve turned them on!

The Secret Sauce To Gay Sex–Anal or Oral

The Road To Hot Sex Is Paved With Anticipation

Even in the dictionary, dick doesn’t come before desire so let’s start there—with desire.  Or rather, how to amplify it so that anal sex isn’t just a painless experience but an exalted one.

If you want to experience the highest of sexual highs you must learn how to cultivate an agonizing joy called anticipation.

It’s an emotion that mixes enthusiasm, pleasure, excitement—even anxiety— about a longed-for event. Let me illustrate the concept with cookies:

anal guideScenario 1 
You walk into the home of the guy you want to bottom for and he immediately waves a plate of delicious home-made chocolate chip cookies under your nose.

“Eat, EAT!” he says. So you do.

anal sex adviceScenario 2 
You walk into the same home and he waves a plate of home-made chocolate chips cookies under your nose. “Smell,” he says.

You reach for one and he says, “Not so fast! We have to wait for the other guests to arrive.”

He puts the plate right in the middle of the table so you’re constantly looking at its chocolaty goodness, salivating and fantasizing how good they’ll taste.

Finally, the guests come and he offers you one.

Which cookie tastes better?

The one in the second scenario. Why? Because anticipation amplifies pleasure.

It creates so much excitement, activates so many nerve endings that food tastes better with it than without it.

It’s the same with sex. Replace the chocolate chip cookies with your partner’s erect penis and you can see what I’m driving at. 

Suspense-Resolution is the key to carbonated sex.

Like a great piece of music, you create a little tension, gradually increase it, build to a crescendo and resolve it to orgasmic satisfaction. 

Like a maestro holding a note for an agonizing eternity, you then resolve it with a chord so burningly satisfying it sets off the smoke detector.

tips for analCreate Tension

In music, you create tension with moments of unrest or conflict. It helps engage the listener, slowly moving him toward, well, a climax.

The best way to create this kind of tension and unrest in bed is to be somewhat unpredictable.

Set a pattern and then delightfully scramble it so your partner is left betwixt and befuddled (but always intrigued).

Take kissing for example.  If you kiss one way and one way only, you become predictable. Constancy is the enemy of tension, so change things up. 

Be unpredictable—not in your desire but in how you express it.  Move smoothly from passive to active, from slow to fast to back and forth, from dry to wet, to gentle and wild.

Kissing tip: Close your eyes.  Otherwise, they’ll look like two giant beachballs to your partner.  And who wants to kiss big balls?  
anal sex tips

Wait.  Bad example.  

Just like chord progressions create movement in a song, the way you touch, kiss and move creates energy and tension, which is key to anticipation.

After all, you can’t experience relief if you first don’t experience tension.

Quick example of building tension:  Your partner moves toward you as if he’s about to kiss you but then suddenly stops a couple of inches away from your lips. 

UNPREDICTABLE. 

He’s just hovering over you. 

TENSION. 

He moves an inch closer but…is he going to kiss you or what?

MORE TENSION

He kisses you.

RELIEF.

guide to anal sexIncrease Tension (Progression)

Great songs give you the feeling of movement, of progressing toward something. 

There is a subtle movement from low tension to high tension, often in cycles, where a melody falls towards a low point or rises towards a high point over and over, catching our attention.

When a new melody or a new instrument is introduced, we’re curious where it might lead.

When the music goes loud or soft, we want to know why. When a rhythm changes quickly or a section finishes abruptly, we wonder what’s next. 

You can create different levels of sexual tension using sounds and words.  Start with small, almost imperceptible sounds. 

A tiny rumble here, a soft moan there.  Graduate to a gasp here, a pant there, a gulp somewhere else, mixing crescendos and decrescendos in cycles of hissing half-breaths until you reach the summit of suspense: The held breath.

You can also do it with words.
gay sex tipsTension requires dialogue not monologue. Set it alight with Tabasco Talk.  If you say, “I want you inside of me” he can say, “I want to start slow and slide it in and out of you so you can feel how hard it is.”

Not only are you creating more tension but you’re starting to give each other erotic feedback–knowledge you can use to turn each other on in the future. 

The erotic feedback loop is an important part of creating anticipation.  You’re not just taking turns speaking and doing–you’re creating an energy spiral. 

The more excitement you show the more he’ll want to excite you.  You say something that turns him on, he responds with something that turns you on and suddenly you’re booked on an interplanetary flight. 

For a greater exploration of how to “talk dirty” check out my book, How To Talk Like A Porn Star. 

tips for analBuild To A Final Crescendo
In music, chords build toward the highest point of tension.  Rhythm, melody and harmony work in concert to reach the kind of fevered pitch that makes you beg for release.

Building to a final crescendo in bed means heating up your body so that it aches for your partner’s hard dick to be inside you.  

Aches.  

The best way to do that is to simulate anal sex, tantalizing yourself with imagined pleasure. Get your partner on top of you, missionary style (chest to chest). 

Feel his heat, smell his essence, and touch his hardness. 

As you’re doing that, slowly place his hard dick between your legs so you can feel its heat and strength on and around your  anus and perineum. 

Put lube in  your  hands, place them underneath your butt and have him gently thrust his penis into them as if they were your anus. 

Feel how smoothly it glides through your hands, with the head of his dick softly touching the opening of your anus. 

Feel the strength and the firmness, and imagine how pleasurable it will be when he actually goes inside you. 

This will stimulate your imagination, scramble your thoughts and hold your body in suspense at the highest point of tension.

Now you are ready to be penetrated. Now, the experience won’t just move mountains, it will blow the lid off Mount St. Yellin’.